Hello everyone and welcome to another issue of my weekly summary. Today we will be celebrating week 40 and how happy I am that it is over! This has been one of the most stressful, worrisome, anxiety stricken weeks I have ever had to endure, but thankfully it has ended!
I bet by now you might be asking why, well let me give you the run down. Hang in there guys, this is going to be a long one.
BEGIN RANT Last Monday, first thing in the morning, I went in for a mammogram. My doctor and insurance company had both been nagging me since it had been so long since my last one. Come to find out later, my last one was in 2006! I didn’t realize it had been that long, oops! Anyway, I went in there, got the boob smashing done and over with and the headed up to the Iron Maiden show in Tacoma where I had a fabulous carefree time rocking my ass off.
The next day, Tuesday, I got a call back from the radiologist saying that the saw something on the mammogram that was different from the one in 2006 that they wanted to take a better look at with an ultrasound and asked if I could come in today. I’m thinking ya, no problem. I wasn’t too concerned since it’s been ten years since my last one, I’m sure there has probably been a few changes in my body since then. I was a little surprised that they got me in there the same day, but then I thought, this is the Safeway Foundation Breast Center, it’s all they do and these people are on it, so again, no big deal right?
During the ultrasound, I started getting questions like “do you feel this”, “is this uncomfortable or painful” and I’m like okay, not really, but what’s going on. The response, “Well, you have a very prominent lymph node.” When I asked further questions, she showed me the ultrasound and what she was looking at, showing me the comparison of the “prominent” lymph node to the normal sized ones. It was about three times larger than the rest. Well crap! When I asked what that meant, she said that they would need to do a biopsy to check for Lymphoma and Leukemia. That sentence just rolled right off her tongue, no big deal. Okay, starting to get a little freaked out, but I can handle this.
I get dressed and then get taken into a another room, to meet with one of the nurses that coordinates all the procedures. Sheexplained to me what was going to happen, what I needed to do afterwards and what they were testing for and how long that would take. Honestly, I think the only words I heard was when and where.
Mike was waiting for me in the lobby the entire time and had no idea at this point of what went down in during the ultrasound. I walked out to the lobby, and I made it about halfway down the hall when I completely lost my shit. It was like I all of a sudden, I comprehended everything the radiologist and the nurse just told me and it was game over. We made it to the car and I finally got myself back in order and home we went. Once that little break down was over, I was doing pretty well with things. I was a little stressed out about the procedure and what that would feel like, but other than that, I was doing okay.
So, Thursday morning comes, I’m still feeling pretty good (I thought). I get all checked in, took a seat in the lobby, waiting to be called in and then all of a sudden I feel it coming. My hands start shaking a little and my ears start ringing, but it’s not bad yet, I can handle it. They call my name and head back to get dressed down and ready for the procedure where I just totally lost my shit. Full on anxiety attack, crying and the works.
I think I scared the crap out of some poor old lady sitting back there waiting for mammogram. So I went back into the dressing room, away from everyone and tried to focus on my breathing and anything else to calm myself down. I did finally get it under better control, just in time to hear my name called for the procedure and the tears hit again. The nurse was kind enough to go get Mike for me right away and he went in the procedure room with me. I felt much better with him there with me.
Mike stayed with me through the entire procedure, thank goodness! It wasn’t to bad, it was a little painful and felt a little weird. The doctor took three tissue samples from the perpetrating lymph node and then injected a metal marker into it so they could track it easily in the future. After that, the got me all bandaged up and I got to have a repeat mammogram so they could get an updated picture of it with the marker. Yay, more boob smashing for the win! Afterwards, they let me know that I would get the results of the biopsy back in two to five business days and after that, I got to get dressed and get the hell out of there. Phew, its over right? NOPE!
So I wake up last Friday and noticed that they area where the biopsy was done was hurting much worse than it was the day of. I thought, well maybe it just took a while for the soreness to set in. Haha, so funny Marci, if only you were so lucky. The clear, saran wrap type bandage adhesive they used to to cover the stitch tape gave me an allergic reaction. At first, I thought it was just making my skin swell and itch and I started taking of the bandage, but as I started taking it off (my skin along with it) I realized they were water blisters. WTF? Water blisters from a bandage. Ugh, they hurt worse than the biopsy and of course they were right wear my bra would rub. So ya, not going back to work today! So I worked from home Friday. FML
So my original thought was that if I made it through the procedure, then I would be okay, the worst of it would be over. Oh, I’m such a silly girl. The biopsy was cake. Waiting to find out if you have a life threatening disease, not so easy.
Okay so held it together pretty well Friday, the blisters were pretty painful and just in a really bad spot, my arm rubbed, my clothes rubbed, I was trying to give the area air so they would dry out… just not an ideal situation. I was feeling a little stressed out, but who wouldn’t be.
The weekend comes, and I’m trying to do anything to keep my mind busy and off the topic. I went to Mike’s eye exam appointment with him. I could tell was stressed out too. We finished that up and kept looking for things to do to stay busy. Saturday night, I went to Bottle and Bottega to drink wine and paint with Coni and Stacy, that was a tons of fun and kept me going.
Sunday, we got up early and headed to Woodburn to check out the Tulip farm. All the walking and picture taking of the pretty tulips kept me busy and wore me out and kept my mind off of things for a while. Then I get home and my brain kicks into overdrive. I start thinking about the logistics of what is going to happen if this is cancer. What will happen with work, what will happen if I have to have surgery, hospital stays, after care, chemo therapy, radiation and on and on and on. I actually started making a spreadsheet of things that we would have to figure out if this turned out to be cancer. I finally asked myself what the hell I thought I was doing and reigned it back in. Okay so a minor little brain glitch there, but I got things back under control.
Monday morning, I got up, showered, got dressed for work, put on the makeup, did the hair and then out of the blue full on ear ringing, sobbing anxiety attack, just like that. What the fuck? I think the idea of knowing that I could get the results that day had me both excited for good news and terrified that it might be bad news and my mind just went into this endless loop of panic. Mike helped me get calmed down and it didn’t last too long, but needless to say, I didn’t make it in the office. Monday was the toughest day of them all. I got some work done. At lunch time, Mike and I went for a walk at Laurelhurst Park to get some exercise and fresh air. Afterwards, we picked up some Nic’s Famous Coney Dogs togo on the way home. That helped a lot. Got my mind off of it while I enjoyed some of my favorite things.
Finally, Monday afternoon, I get the phone call, IT’S NOT CANCER! I have never felt so relieved in my entire life. Holy shit! Mike and hugged it out forever and started to breath again. They told me that they would forward the results to my regular doctor, so that she could follow up to see what might be causing that crazy lymph node to get so big, but other than that, I just had to come back for another mammogram in a year so they could keep an eye on that bad boy. PHEW! Bullet dodged! RANT OVER
Okay, so there is my crazy, stressed out fucked up week. I don’t want to have to go through that ever again. Needless to say, my focus really wasn’t on the goals this week. I did continue to log my food, there was a lot of stress eating and comfort food in there. I did drink tons of water and got some good walks in, but thats about it. Surprisingly, I lost .2 pounds, okay cool.
This week is going to be fucking awesome guys! I have to say, I feel a little bit more appreciative about what I have and who I have in my life. My husband is an amazing man, I couldn’t have gotten through this without his love and strength. Even though he was completely stressed out too, he held it together the entire time and kept me going. Next up my children, I have a couple of really good and strong kids. They really held it together and kept things positive and flowing. Then their are my BEST FRIENDS FOR LIFE/AFTER LIFE, Coni and Stacy. What would I do without you guys?!?!?!?! Thanks for letting me vent and have my little freak outs. I love you guys! And then there is the awesome group of people I work with and pal around with, you know who you are… TOM, BRYCE, AARON, KELVIN AND BEN. I’m so glad you guys are there for me, you guys fucking rock!
Okay, down to business, here are the goals for this week!
Week 41 Goals!
- Stay Hydrated
- Maintain a 500-calorie per day deficit
- 10,000 steps a day
- Do The Step workout at least 3 times this week.
- Get out of my chair for a spin around the block three time a day
- Meditate four times per week
- Reflect on my goals every day and keep my vision board updated
- Keep posting on my blog and Facebook, posting my Fitbit Dashboard everyday
- One hiking/adventure day per week
- Lose 1 pound per week
There you have it. This post really wasn’t really in the normal format it usually is in. I’m sorry if I overshared, but I am committed to blogging and talking about not only what goes well, but what I struggle with that might stop me from hitting those goals and this week was one giant struggle. It’s very therapeutic, BUT IT’S OVER! Now I can move forward and kick ass again. Thanks for stopping buy and enduring with me. I love you guys and wouldn’t want to go through this journey without you. See you all next week!