The Long Journey

Hi guys, thanks for visiting my page!

My name is Marci and I will be using this blog to celebrate, cry, bitch and complain about “The Long Journey” to a lighter, healthy and guilt free life.

A little background info.  I am starting this long journey very overweight, 200+ pounds overweight. This is the most I have ever weighed in my entire life. I was recently placed on medication for high blood pressure.  The look on my doctors face while she explained my condition said it all, I am going to fucking die if I don’t get my shit together.  That is my summary, not her’s, she was very supportive and much more positive.  Love her!

To add to the drama, I have been experiencing anxiety/panic attacks.  Not entirely sure that this is directly related to being over weight, but I’m sure all my guilt and feelings about the topic do not help the situation.  I have had three of them so far and each time they get worse.  The last one resulted in a total public sobbing, nuclear melt down of a mess.  This episode was very scary and completely embarrassing. I’m so glad my best friend, Stacy was there to help me out of that dark mess.  I don’t want to EVER experience that again.

So here I am, faced with this huge challenge.  Something I have struggled with my entire life and have never successfully beat it.  So instead of going off half-cocked with some stupid ass weight loss gimmick, I stopped and gave the situation some intense thought came up with the following questions and answers:

Why is it important to me to lose the weight?

  • I don’t want to die before my time.  I want to have a long life with my husband and watch my children and their children grow.
  • I want to enjoy more time with my husband.  Michael is very fit, I hate holding him back.  I would love to be able to exercise, adventure and hang out with him more on his level.
  • I’m tired of being the weakest link.  Always walking behind trying to catch up.
  • I’m tired of having to analyze every family or friend adventure, wondering if I’m going to end up hurting my self or just be embarrassed about how overweight and out of shape I am the entire time and not being able to keep up.
  • I’m tired of feeling tired all the time.
  • Concerts!  Almost every fucking concert I go to, I have to bow out half way through to go sit down somewhere because I’m just completely worn out or feel like I’m going to pass out.
  • I want to be guilt free.  I beat myself up every second of every day about this.  It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I goto bed.

Why or what is it that stops me from successfully losing the weight?

  • If I’m not comfortable with what I’m doing, I’m not going to do it.
  • If I’m in physical pain, I’m not going to do it.
  • If I deem it too hard to do, I’m not going to do it.
  • If I don’t see tangible results within a reasonable amount of time, I’m not going to do it.
  • If I have to eat tasteless crappy food, I’m not going to do it.
  • If I can’t some how make it fun, I’m not going to do it.

What can I do differently not just to shed the weight, but to feel better about myself and be healthier, happy person?

  • Stop thinking I can do this alone without help from my family and friends.  Rely on them for their love and support to keep me motivated.
  • Write down short term and long term goals and reflect on those goals daily.
  • Use the “I Workout!” Facebook group to help me be accountable for achieving my goals and to allow my friends to give me love and support, posting something every day.
  • Get over the guilt of my situation and feel good about taking steps to correct the situation.  Forgive myself.
  • Do something to get off my ass every day.  It doesn’t have to be the gym, doesn’t have to be hard core anything.  Just move!

Knowing what I know now, what is the final game plan?

  • Set short term and long term goals, not just weight loss goals, but all the other things that will help me be happy and healthier.  Write them down!  Reflect on them daily!
  • Put the Fitbit back on.  I have way more friends and family that have this little device now and the social competition aspect of it keeps me engaged and moving.
  • Look for fun ways to move.  Shopping, strolls with my husband, walking the dogs.
  • Enjoy food!  Don’t worry about what it is I’m eating, just maintain a daily calorie deficit to lose the weight. Use the Fitbit app to track the food I eat.
  • Use social media to help me.  Post daily in the “I Workout!” Facebook group.  Share my good days and bad days.
  • Use the social media element of Fitbit to hold myself accountable and compete with family and friends.
  • Depend on others to help me with my journey.  Stop thinking I can do this all by myself.  Let my family and friends into my world to help me stay strong and motivated.
  • Keep reminding myself that I didn’t get into this situation over night and it’s not going to go away over night.
  • Keep my long journey light hearted and fun!

So there you have it!  If you have read this, I invite you back to keep reading about my long journey. Check up on me, help me be accountable, celebrate my successes with me and help me prop myself back up when I fall because I will and that is okay!  I’m hoping this blog will give me a process to vent and lay it out there, to help me stay focused and reach my goals.  If it helps someone else out along the way, that would be great too!

Me and my homies

36 Responses to The Long Journey

  1. Tawny

    I fucking love you sweetie!
    You’ve got this!
    I’m sorry I haven’t been more motivating…but I’m slowly coming back.
    You are not alone in your anxiety/panic feeling. I’ve ended up in the hospital because my heart was so heavy! 🙂
    It will work this time, cause it’s for you!
    Kids are out of school. No more guilt there about working and missing out on stuff.
    Keep moving! Even if it’s during the commercials with a program you’re watching. I like to watch in the bedroom sometimes and do squats up and off my bed! Seems easier to sit down and get back up off a bed. lol
    I’m here. Whenever you need! I am so proud of you!
    And now for my favorite quote!!!
    “So many people believe in you. Remember to be one of them!”

  2. Tracy

    I am right there with you, Marci! About a month ago, I started getting up early 3 times a week to spend at least 20 minutes on the elliptical trainer. I’ve been on blood pressure medication for 7 years, and when I was put on it, I weighed probably 50 lbs less than I do now.

    I have the same issues with exercise and diet. I have trouble with “diets” because I get HUNGRY. I have trouble with exercise because it HURTS and I don’t have time! I have trouble sticking to either because as soon as I screw up once, I’ve “failed” and therefore it’s not even worth trying. Because I’ve already failed.

    But the elliptical doesn’t hurt! And I just get up 45 minutes earlier 3 times a week and get on the damn thing. And there’s no failing. 3 times a week is not so hard. I usually do M/W/F, but if I miss a day (like today) I can make it up on the weekend. There’s no failing. I haven’t set any real goals aside from “exercise 3 times a week”. I would love to lose some weight, and I really want to get healthier. But I can’t really put goals on a timeline for those, because they’ll happen when they happen.

    All the love and support for you on this! <3

  3. Melissa

    My words for you are stretch, hydrate and breathe. My best advice is know you will have bad days, don’t let them get you down, get through them and keep moving on. You said it yourself, just move and before long you will be hiking beautiful hikes and always wanting to be on the go. YOU CAN DO THIS.

  4. Sherri Dubay

    I love you Marci so much and am, and always have been, proud to have you for my “sister” in law! You are totally amazing! I am envious of you in a good way! You have so much talent and patience. You and Mike really gave up everything for our family and for me personally! I am in tears reading about this because I haven’t really been there for you like I should have been. I am sometimes clueless and I definetly will be there to support you!! I should join you! You are an inspiration to us all!! I love you!

    • mievil Post author

      Awwwwww Sherri you are so sweet! Thank you for your love and support. You have always been there for us. You are a pillar of strength for our family! Love you!

  5. Pam


    You are truly amazing and I am blessed to call you my sister you have my support all the way I know you are determined. It really is about one day at a time. I love our fit bit challenges it is fun and keeps me going. I too want to be healthier and around for a long time we love you the kids adore their Aunt Marci I am looking forward to supporting you in your journey

  6. Carol Blake

    Marci – I know you can do it!!! You have all kinds of support and what you wrote above shows you have put a lot of good thought and energy into this. You are so smart to recognize that you shouldn’t beat yourself up. It is a step by step (no pun intended) adventure. I have dieted most of my life and I know the struggle. Exercise is not my thing and in 1991 when I got serious about losing weight I started walking. At first I walked exactly 30 minutes because that’s what I was told was the minimum. LOL Then I got into it and increased the length. I also had Chip the dog and he became the athletic “dog”rector, whining at me if I didn’t get up after dinner and take him for a walk. Your pups can do the same for you. I’m cheering you on and look forward to following your journey!

    • mievil Post author

      Thanks Carol! I’m really digging the walks. They help clear the clutter from my mind. Love the early morning walks with the fresh crisp air. Therapeutic!

  7. Rahul

    Hey Marci!
    It clearly shows how strong as a person you are.
    I’m sure with all this love and support, things will just get better by the day..You can Totally do this.
    You are a rockstar!

    Keep rocking! \m/

  8. Lindsay

    This is awesome!!! I would totally love to bike ride with you sometime. I pretty much have your bike in pink! I call it big pink… How awesome would we look riding around in our badass bikes? It takes a lot to put yourself Out there and especially on social media? you are very courageous and inspiring!

  9. Richard hanset

    I feel yah cousin. I’ve started my own little weight reduction plan myself. I’ve given a big “fuck you” to sugar. I’m 23 lbs down in a month and a half. So if you need some ball busting motivation than Hit me up. I know I can use it also.

  10. Matt Wallington

    You got this Marci! Make it your bitch. But in all seriousness, I have lost significant amount of weight before and have also failed many times. The things I have found that help are the things you have outlined. Don’t go from 0 to 60 overnight as it’s too big of a shock and too hard to maintain. Just start small and when you start to see results not only will that be motivating but you’ll start to feel better physically which will help you feel better mentally to keep going.
    The biggest thing that worked for me was finding foods that were lower calorie that I actually liked to eat and finding an exercise that I really enjoyed doing. Not some treadmill bullshit. I got into racquetball with a friend and I played 3 times a week for 6 months. Rather than saying omg I have to go to the damn gym again, I actually really looked forward to playing so it I didn’t feel like I was doing something hard or boring. Try to find whatever that exercise is for you that you can not dread to do every time.
    Other than that just keep getting support from family and friends and realize that everyone is rooting for you and here to help out.
    Lastly, when you fall off the wagon, and you will definitely have those moments, don’t think of it as a massive failure. It’s just life and this is a slow and gradual life change. Nothing happens overnight.
    Good luck!!

    • mievil Post author

      Thanks Matt, this is terrific advice! You are so right about finding exercise I enjoy, otherwise I’m not going to do it. So far it is walking, Ping Pong and water aerobics/zumba! Fun!

  11. Tiffany

    Hey girl, it’s been a long time but I want to wish you all good things on this journey. I’m in a VERY similar place in life and I was in tears reading your post. My big issue with exercise is a fully torn ACL, so activity that I can actually perform is very limited…but DDP Yoga is a great place to start! I own it and love it! I’m going to follow your journey and you’ve inspired me to start again as well. Parting words: those people who tell you not to takes chances, they are all missing on what life’s about, you only live once so take hold of the chance, don’t end up like others the same song and dance! Love you girl, always…Tiff

    • mievil Post author

      Hey Tiff so good to hear from you! Ouch! Sorry to hear about your ACL. The DDP kicks ass, love it! \m/ (* – *) \m/ ???

  12. Rick

    Marci! You can do it! You got it, girl. I’ve been meaning to get a Fitbit myself and play along with you guys on the leader board.

    You’re surrounded by friends and family who care very deeply about you. We’re your support group.

    • mievil Post author

      Thanks Rick! You should totally get a Fitbit, it’s so much fun! Mike and Athena picked up one last night. =) Love you!

  13. Sharon

    First – remember I have always had a little girl crush on you – because you are beautiful and always made me smile. You always brightened a room whether in real life or online. No matter the struggle during your journey – never forget this!

    Second – your journey makes my little crush on you even bigger! I am SO proud of you and well… honestly a little envious!

    Third – I will be supporting you from LV and drawing from your inspiration! As you know, I have struggled with my weight forever, was put on blood pressure medicine a while back and now have racked up 5 smashed discs in my lower back and one slightly fractured vertebrae – all because of weight (granted they believe the first 2 were because of my very large babies – but weight none the less).

    I promise to move. That is my first step. I support you, love you and wish you the absolute best success! I will be watching!

    • mievil Post author

      I love you so much Sharon!? You are such a beautiful, strong woman! We have this girl, live that you are going to move with me! I invite you to Fitbit with me, the competition is so much fun and gets me off my ass. Thank you so much for your support! ???

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